


anything for you

by ppangjuseyo



Series: if it's for you [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad, angst? lol i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 16:26:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15998984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ppangjuseyo/pseuds/ppangjuseyo
Summary: Lee Jihoon would do anything for his love. He'd turn a blind eye if he has to. He'd let him go if he has to.If it makes him happy, then Jihoon's happy, too.





	anything for you

**Author's Note:**

> I am so tired and my back hurts so much. I wanted to add more scenes in here but my back is screaming at me :c Please ignore any mistakes agdhfsdfjh I'll fix it when I have time
> 
> And for the song I recommend Sana by I Belong to the Zoo : )

Lee Jihoon walked on the lonely road, his tears continuously falling leaving a hot path down his face. The cold nipped at his hands and legs. He hiccupped, remembering the times his boyfriend would take off his jacket and put it around his shivering shoulders. That was in the past now, but Jihoon can’t help but remember all the memories they both made.

He looked up at the stars, the light they give out paint the dark sky so beautifully. Jihoon felt his heart clench at the sight, he raised a hand and clutched at the thin shirt, right where his heart would be. His boyfriend used to always pester him all the time to go star gazing, it’s beautiful he says.

“Like his smile,” Jihoon whispered in the wind, a small smile gracing his face. He let out a shuddering breath before he willed his feet to move again.

He passed by the bake shop they used to stay at every morning before school. They would greet the old lady at the counter a bright good morning. They would buy Jihoon’s favourite milk bread, sometimes Jihoon would be a bit braver and break off a piece of his share and offer it to Soonyoung.

 _Soonyoung_. His boyfriend’s name rang in his head, Jihoon loves his name. It just rolls off his tongue so smoothly, it’s unlike any other name Jihoon ever knew. It has the power to turn Jihoon into a puddle, the mere mention of his name has Jihoon weak in the knees every time.

Jihoon should have noticed it way before, before the party, before their fourth anniversary, before his birthday. Should have noticed way back to the time when Jihoon first introduced Soonyoung to his brother.

He should have noticed all the lingering stares, the subtle touches, the nights when Soonyoung would slip out of bed and into the dark night, only coming back on the break of dawn looking so exhausted. Looking so used and satisfied.

Jihoon should have confronted him then. But he didn’t. Not with how Soonyoung clung to him so tightly, with no intention of letting him go. Not with how Soonyoung whispers sweet things in Jihoon’s ear, like a spell that makes Jihoon forget all the times Soonyoung left him alone and cold on the bed almost every night.

Not with how Soonyoung makes him feel loved and needed.

Not with how much he loves Soonyoung. To the point where he’s willing to turn a blind eye on his boyfriend cheating. With his own brother.

The thought sent bile running up Jihoon’s throat. He stumbled on a nearby post and vomited what remained of his dinner a few hours ago. Jihoon heaved heavily, he felt lightheaded, his vision blurring. Next thing he knows, everything went black and he felt his body fall with a loud thud.

-x-

Jihoon woke up to a white ceiling. He felt panic slowly shake his body, this is not his room. His ceiling has stars on it, he put it up there because Soonyoung likes looking at them and it helps his precious boyfriend fall asleep easily.

He was about to sit up when a very familiar face popped up on his line of vision. The same slanted eyes he loves, the handsome face of his boyfriend that is usually bright is now crumpled into one of anger.

“Where were you?!” Soonyoung asked Jihoon in a loud voice. Jihoon was about to reply when his brother held Soonyoung’s arm and pulled him back a bit. Away from Jihoon.

“Soonie, let him rest. His body probably still hurts,” _Seokmin,_ his own brother, whispered lovingly to Soonyoung’s ear. Jihoon only stared at them, his gaze went down, down. Before it landed on the two’s interlocked hands. Jihoon let out a small but bitter smile, he used to do that, too, with Soonyoung.

“Fine.” Soonyoung huffed. He turned to look back at Jihoon with a glare. “We’re not yet finished, don’t you ever think I forgot what you did last night.” He said with a tone so final Jihoon only nodded in response. Soonyoung gave Jihoon one last dark look before he tugged on his and Seokmin’s interlocked hands and exited the room, slamming the door with a loud bang.

Ah, last night. It’s not something big, Jihoon just denied Soonyoung sex. He can’t stomach doing it again with Soonyoung after Jihoon discovered his and Seokmin’s relationship. He can’t kiss him anymore, can’t hold his hand, can’t stomach seeing his face in the mornings. It’s even worse when he sees Soonyoung with hickeys barely hidden under his shirt.

Jihoon sniffled, the scene his eyes witnessed that night is tattooed behind his eyelids. Soonyoung, his precious Soonyoung, the person he loves so much, riding Jihoon’s own brother on _their bed_. Soonyoung’s moans were loud, competing with the sound of skin slapping against skin. Jihoon remembers Soonyoung’s blissed face so vividly. The same face he sees whenever the two of them have an intimate time together in the privacy of their room.

Jihoon sat up, his limbs feel like lead but he still pushed himself to stand. He walked slowly towards the door, holding up half of his weight using the side of the bed and other furniture around the hospital room. It’s cold, the thin hospital gown and the low temperature set on the air conditioner not helping him at the least.

When he reached the door, he didn’t turn the knob just yet. He just stood there, waiting. For what, he doesn’t know.

He was about to turn back and lie on the bed again when he heard it. It’s faint but he heard it, he carefully leaned on the door and listened.

 _“You have to tell him, Soonie,”_ That’s Seokmin. Jihoon tried to steady his breathing and continued to listen. Not once did it passhis mind that this conversation he’s listening in could potentially hurt him in some way.

 _“And what? Have him throw me away and abandon me? Never, Seokmin. Please understand, I can’t leave him.”_ Jihoon felt himself let out a shuddering breath. _“Not just yet. He still needs me. So just, just, endure it for a bit more, okay? I love you, Seok.”_

Jihoon felt his legs give out. His chest tightened so incredibly fast it left him gasping for breath in a few seconds. He clutched his clothed chest, tears pricked his eyes before the hot tears fell down his cheeks continuously.

The door opened immediately, Seokmin reached down to Jihoon and carried him back to his bed. Soonyoung followed behind closely.

“Hyung! Hyung! Breathe!” Seokmin placed a hand on Jihoon’s back, encouraging him to calm down and just _breathe._ When Seokmin saw no improvement on Jihoon’s breathing, he hastily went and called a nurse, leaving Soonyoung and a gasping Jihoon alone in the room.

Soonyoung slowly sat beside Jihoon on the bed, he placed a hand on Jihoon’s shoulder and just like what Seokmin did, he guided Jihoon into breathing in and out. Jihoon focused on the soothing voice of his boyfriend, following everything Soonyoung asks him to do. Breathe in, and breathe out slowly. And again, until Jihoon felt his lungs clear and air flows more smoothly into it.

Soonyoung stayed by his side when the nurse came back with Seokmin to check up on him. He stayed even when the nurse went back out to talk with Seokmin. Jihoon felt this is the time. The right time to talk to Soonyoung.

“Soons,” Jihoon said his name in a whisper, Soonyoung hummed and looked at him. Jihoon only stared straight ahead. “You could have just told me, I would have let you anyways.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows furrowed at this, “What do you mean?” Before he can say any more, Jihoon held his hand and squeezed it.

“I love you,” Jihoon said sincerely and lovingly to his boyfriend, “I love you and you know I’d do anything for you. And if it makes you happy,” Jihoon swallowed down the rising bile, he looked up at Soonyoung and with the most genuine smile he can make, he beamed up at his boyfriend.

“Then I’ll let you go.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- follow me on twt @ppangjuseyo if you want any sneak peaks on what im currently working on and dont be shy to dm if you wanna be moots huahuahuahua


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